Tag Archives: loved

5 Caregiving Lessons from Moms and Grannies

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This morning at a meeting, I observed some of the greatest caregivers ever. Watching them I realize afresh, caregiving IS caring, period. A caregiver is a person of any age who takes time to care for those in their family or their sphere of influence.

I was in a planning meeting today with a group of women, young and not-so-young. from several of our area churches. When I left the house it was below freezing and the ground was snow-covered. I wondered if any would make it.

As ladies drifted in, one granny got her two young grandchildren settled with something to occupy themselves before she grabbed a cup of coffee and joined us. An older girl was likewise made comfortable by her grandmother before she found her seat.

As the hours passed, I watched a young mother quietly feed and care for her infant, meeting his needs as she contributed to the meeting.  

Several of these women had risen early to prepare their homes for their return at lunchtime. Most had driven many miles in freezing weather to attend. We had a record attendance and the enthusiasm was contagious.

I could not help but think of the valuable lessons these little ones are learning from their parents and grandparents. Here are just a few I noted today:

#1 That they are loved, have value, and will be cared for even while the adults have other obligations.

#2  Keeping commitments is important, even when it calls for extra work or inconvenience. They will someday realize the value in serving others, even when it is not necessarily the easiest thing to do.

#3  They observed their parent/grandparent as a calm, organized adult meeting the needs of others even when they could have stayed home by the fire.

#4  They learned by their own actions how to respect and honor those around them; how to be quiet when the adults were busy in a meeting.

#5  And lastly, but certainly not least, they watched first-hand how important serving Jesus and His Church is to their parent/grandparent.

Today was simply a scheduled meeting with a bunch of ladies planning another retreat. Or so it was with some. For their director, it was a worship experience. Those precious ladies came caring for family, yes. They also came caring for their lost friends and neighbors. They came to serve. They are true caregivers!

I am humbled, honored, and blessed.

I wonder, what are you and I teaching in our home with our actions? I pray you and I, too, will never be too busy or too tired to be an encouragement to others.

hugs,

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Do We Care Enough to Listen with Our Heart

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No one cares about me.  “Don’t say that, I care!”

I keep hearing strange noises.  “Everything is okay, you are okay!”

I waited all day for you to come home.  “I’m sorry, I do the best I can!”

I’m no good for anything. Why don’t you just throw me in a hole?  “That’s so silly. Don’t talk like that!”

Well, dear friend, did I drag you down into the dumps with these conversations? Can you relate to a few of them?

Some of you are caring for or have cared for someone who seems to find a problem with everything you do. Perhaps they complain a lot, get impatient, and say the same things over and over and often wear you down.

How do you help them understand that you love them and really do want the best for them? How about sharpening your listening skills and breaking the habit of reacting to every comment made. Let’s look at the comments again with a different approach to each.

No one cares about me.  “Do you feel that way some time? I’m so sorry. I want you to know you are loved very much and we are very, very glad you are here.”

I keep hearing strange noises.  “Does that make you feel afraid? Perhaps you hear the heater or air conditioner coming on at night. (Or the pet cat or dog or ???) You can be sure that you are safe here.”

I waited all day for you to come home.  “Was it a long day for you? Perhaps we can find some things that interest you to help pass the time while I am gone. Have you some ideas?”

I’m no good for anything. Why don’t you just throw me in a hole?  “Do you worry about your health or dying? Are you missing your old friends? You are very special to us, we want you here for a long time. You can be sure you are important to our family.”

Of course, these comments would need adjusted to meet your particular needs. Did you notice the difference in reacting to a comment and really listening to one? When we really listen, we consider the person talking. Often they may still be grieving the loss of their independence, driver’s license, friends, health, eyesight. Their sadness, complaining and stubbornness may have more to do with those things than the situation at hand.

Learning to listen is a growing experience. Our nature is to solve the problem, give advice, encourage—sometimes, we argue or judge inappropriately. How much better to communicate with a listening ear. It does not mean the issue will not come up again tomorrow! (Note: this does not mean you must accept abuse or needless ridicule or guilt feelings. We’ll discuss this at a later time.)

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

Read about my experiences in listening in  my book, MY MOTHER MY CHILD available here.