What if you are not the only child providing care?

Family caregivers face many daily challenges. These are compounded when several children are working together to provide care for aging parents. This scenario gets particularly complicated when none of the children live with the parents full time.

Let’s explore a situation where three sisters are working together to help their aging parents. With a storm-damaged home and failing health, the elderly parents cannot take care of themselves or their property without the girls’ daily help.

Two daughters leave their homes in alternating two-week periods to move in with the parents and care for them while a third daughter is available on weekends and shorter stays.

Now, three years into their journey, potential problems are surfacing and the need for a family conference is imminent.

What are some of the challenges of sharing parental care with siblings?

One of the challenges is continuity of care. No one caregiver is in the parent’s home longer than two weeks. This means a natural shift in how things are done. The basics are adequately met by each such as medicines, personal care, and nutrition needs. However, the methods vary with each daughter and can be confusing to the older parents.

Changes that come as more equipment and personal care is needed can mean moving furnishings and household items to accommodate needs. The parents can become insistent on what can and cannot be changed. Each caregiver has her own opinion as well.

Who buys groceries? Who pays bills? Who is responsible?

Originally, one daughter by default had the job of purchasing groceries and taking care of the bills. When another family member decided to purchase large stock of foods without checking with others, this caused extra expense, storage issues, and confusion.

The challenges are not limited to the inside of the home. Two parents and three daughters add up to five personalities with strong ideas about how things should be done. When one daughter began working with her parent’s beautiful plants, another felt it unnecessary to keep such large flower beds. Add a spouse with his ideas into the mix and you know it can get tense.

For this particular family, three years ago they were simply providing a temporary solution to a growing problem. They did not realize the parent’s situation would only worsen with time and there would be no end to the caregiving in sight.

Whether long-term or short-term, determine who is to be in charge up front.

Whenever you are considering helping care for someone, view the options carefully. Consider the fact that it may be more long-term than at first it seems. Take time to make some plans and determine who is in charge, the go-to person.

If you are entering a caregiving situation because of accidents, storms, or other immediate causes and have no time to work out the details of care, do what is necessary for the moment. Then, make sure to have a plan in place to schedule a meeting of all involved so that details can be worked out in an orderly manner for all concerned.

What can be done to simplify this situation?

Next week we will look at some specific tips for families and friends in this situation. Hopefully they will prove beneficial to you in whatever role you find yourself and your family.

Hugs,

Do you know others who are caring for family members or close friends? Why not invite them to sign up for my newsletter so they will get the great tips in the next letter? They will be helpful for anyone working with others to provide care for loved ones.