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Dealing with death of loved one and holidays.

Holidays are difficult for those who have lost loved ones. It becomes especially difficult to celebrate with family and friends when the loss is someone close, a parent, grandparent, spouse or child.

Adding to the difficulty is those feelings of “if only …” or “I wish I …” Often those feelings are not recent, but have been nurtured for months or even years. We can think “if only I would have done more, been more available, listened more closely, made better decisions,” Or, “I wish he/she were here for this gathering. I wish he/she could meet everyone, or see the beautiful decorations.”

We can be hurting others as we grieve.

When we dwell on the one who is absent, without realizing it, we may be cheating those who remain and even hurting them.

For instance, if you are at a holiday gathering or celebration and your thoughts and your conversations are continually dwelling on the one who has died, you are telling the host and the rest of the family that whatever they do will never be enough.

Tips to help face the seemingly unbearable during holidays.

Here are some ideas to help turn your thoughts away from yourself and onto others.

1. Accept the situation as it is: that person is gone; wishing it were different will only bring more sorrow and no solutions.
2. Remember fondly what your loved one enjoyed about the gatherings and honor them by expressing that joy for yourself and others.
3. Do not dwell on their absence. Everyone knows they are gone and sorely missed. Determine to love and honor those who remain and focus on their needs and preferences.
4. Occupy yourself with finding things to do for others. This could be real simple small projects or offers to help others prepare for the holidays. (A word of caution here, when someone says they really don’t need help, they may really prefer no help. If you sense that happening, move on.)
5. Volunteer during the holidays. Find some projects at church or in your community that you could help with and occupy your mind with others’ needs.

You can honor the one who is gone.

You will never forget that loved one, but you can honor his/her life by giving 100% of yourself to those who are present today.

Sending prayers your way as you prepare for a blessed and exciting time of Thanksgiving and fun.

Hugs,