Help Archives - Page 5 of 27 -

6 Decision Making Tips for Busy Families

Six simple decision making tips for busy families.

Caring for a home and family can be difficult. Mothers and caregivers and their busy families bide for time. Decisions are made daily that affect the lives of others.

Simple tasks often cause stress and keep us overwhelmed.

One week I planned to clean our carpet. I reasoned I could make time to do it. The next week, I considered a carpet cleaner, then talked myself out of spending the money. Each time that I made a decision, then changed my mind, it made my work and stress pile up!

Have you been there? You make a decision only to change your mind? The work never gets done and you are worn out from struggling with unfinished projects.

I put into practice some techniques that work and followed through on my decisions. I’m praying you will apply these decision making tips to at least one issue you face.

#1 Honestly identify the problem. My underlying problem was not the dirty carpet. My problem was lack of time and energy. My schedule would not change in the near future.

#2 Make a list of possible alternatives. I could rent a machine and do it; call in friends to help; leave it go awhile longer; or buy bigger throw rugs (kidding!) Ask others for advice.

#3 Be informed before hiring someone for a project. Check them out; get the best deal possible for your household.

#4 Evaluate the consequences of each action. For me, hiring the work done would mean a tighter budget for the next few weeks. I could find ways to curb my spending.

#5 Determine which choice is the very best for you and your family. Considering the needs of your entire family when making a decision is always best. Truth is, your stress affects the entire household. (Click here for more on getting help from the family.)

#6 Act on your decision as soon as possible. When I finally determined what to do, I immediately called the cleaner and made the appointment. This is so important. Acting on your decision will develop your skill in this area.

What small things tend to pull you down, cause stress?

A dirty carpet may not be a big deal compared to the decisions you have to make. What small things tend to pull you down, cause stress? If you can eliminate some of them, your more difficult challenges will become easier; I promise!

I’m smiling as I remember the peace of making a decision and sticking to it.

Yes, my clean floors were beautiful, the house smelled fresh, and I was motivated to clean a little more. I actually created a schedule for my stressors, one small project at a time.

There will always be good pros and cons in decision making. From experience in the School of Hard Knocks I can tell you, life goes much easier if you can make a clear decision and stick to it. You will richly improve your life and the lives of others as you build confidence.

Hugs,

Read my article on four tips to get help around the home; click here. And let me hear your decision making ideas.

Trustworthy Support Groups and Online Medical Sites

Trustworthy Support Groups and Online Medical Sites.

It is imperative to find trustworthy support groups and online medical sites. Coping with changes identified in your loved ones’ home, or effectively help others cope, calls for a strong support system.

Caregiver or not, we need support. Example, which of the following has affected your family or friends: Dementia, Alzheimers, Death, Alcohol, Suicide, Chronic Pain, ADHD, Aging Parents, Depression, Narcotics, Eating Disorders, Sexual Abuse, Divorce.

Some support may come from those around you.

#1 A support group needs to be trustworthy and confidential. Having a group you have confidence in enables you to relate your true feelings and share more honestly about your unique situation.

#2 The best support will come from others who have traveled that road before. When that person holds your hand and says, “I understand,” you can know they really do.

#3 Hearing the experiences of others in a given situation will help you better understand your circumstances. Actions and reactions which seem foreign to you right now may be normal for a person suffering or struggling with certain issues.

#4 Local support groups offer help and hope in a more personal, long term environment. If there is none available, consider starting a group. Simply find two or three others going through the same situation and plan to meet for about an hour once or twice a month.

#5 Online support groups for family and friends are a great place to start your search. Look for blogs or discussion boards on the particular area you are dealing with.

A word of caution here-while online sites can offer ready help and suggestions, filter any changes through your medical team or reliable agency such as Mental Health America, Alzheimers Association, CAPS (Children of Aging Parents) or other appropriate group.

After searching through pages of information and online sites, I would recommend http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/find_support_group as a good place to begin your search. There you will find a lengthy list of support groups as well as helps.

Another website that may offer help depending upon your location is www.healthfinder.gov. I researched our local hospitals on this site. I also found valuable information on several health-related issues.

Make sure the sites you are searching are updated regularly so you get the latest information.

Remember to call upon the Great Physician for wisdom and direction. We read “Call upon me and I will answer thee … ” in Jeremiah 33:3.

Hugs,

Have you purchased a copy of the 2nd edition of MY MOTHER MY CHILD? I am getting great comments from those using the discussion guide at the end of each chapter. Let me hear from you.

Learn to Identify Needs of Elderly Parents and Loved Ones

Learn to identify needs of elderly parents and loved ones. When you learn to identify needs of elderly parents, you may prevent much heartache later for both of you.

This is difficult when you live out of state.

For years my only personal contact with Mother was a visit every few months. There was always so much to catch up on and so little time on those visits.

Learning to notice changes takes practice.

Mother seemed to be doing okay living alone. She loved her home and neighborhood and had all the necessities she needed. When I did raise concerns, she immediately gave me that “I’m your mother” look that let me know, as far as she was concerned, it was none of my business!

The elderly parent or loved one may not want your help.

They may realize they cannot do all they used to do. But they don’t want to worry you and go to great lengths to reassure you they are fine without help.

There were many red flags I failed to see.

If you are in a difficult situation, but feel help may be needed, here are a few things to look for on your next visit. Please note: these tips are not simply for family but for paid or volunteer caregivers as well.

1. Learn to focus on changes in behavior or housekeeping. Do you see signs of increased neglect in any of the above areas? What has changed since your last visit?

2 Is the mail handled properly? If you have concerns about whether or not bills are paid on time, you may need to contact utility companies to make sure they are up to date.

3. When you enter the home, what is your first reaction? Does the home seem overly hot or cool? Are the rooms unduly stuffy or dark? Are window shades and curtains drawn in midday for no apparent reason?

4. Is there an odor in the home? Elderly often have urinary problems and could have stained clothing or even dribbles on the floor to the bathroom. They may not be aware of the problem themselves.

5. How is the kitchen, are dishes done? Now, let’s be realistic here; if you come to my home unannounced, you may find dirty dishes or some chores undone. However, when they begin to stack up, it could be a problem. Notice the washed dishes; is there dried food in them? Is there food left on the counter from the last meal?

6.Check out the refrigerator. Are leftovers stored without covers? Are the fruits and vegetables wilted or spoiled. Check to see if condiments are stored properly and not too old to use.

7 Is the trash emptied? Are all the wastebaskets overflowing? Are tables and chairs piled high with papers, mail, and magazines?

If you have real concerns, consider keeping a notebook for a few weeks. (If you live away, ask someone to do it for you.) Note changes in behavior, hygiene, or the home. Recognizing the need for help is a beginning. Once you know what the real needs are, you can seek help in meeting those needs.

Looking back (isn’t that always easier?) I can see how serious her needs were. However, those concerns dwindled when my flight landed back home and the pressures of work and family took over.

We are fortunate today to have access to agencies to aid in getting the needed help. Knowing the extent of the need is critical to ensuring a proper response to our questions when seeking advice. In the next post, I will give some ideas on where and how to find help. Please let me hear from you.

Hugs,

For more details about my journey with mother, get my book, My Mother My Child