Friends at church, Lorene and little Elizabeth clearly love one another. They know how to communicate; each anxious to hear what the other has to say.

Benjamin Franklin summed it up beautifully. “No one cares what you know until they know that you care!”

Listening involves more than merely hearing.

I am sure your life, like mine, is filled with diversions: cell phones, computers, overloaded work and play schedules, and family responsibilities. Yet, as we make the effort to become better listeners, we benefit others as well as ourselves. You may find, as I have, some of these simple tips are easier said than done!

Your body language can reassure them of your concern.

We can learn from Lorene and Elizabeth.  Smile. Look the person in the eye as they speak. Even as you are busy meeting other pressing needs, you can show sincere care. Pausing for even a very few seconds to look at them directly as you smile or pat a shoulder is a visual sign you care and have their best interests in hand.

Your answers can help others communicate better.

Try to give feedback that encourages further communication. No one wants to hear, “I know how you feel”. A better comment would be, “that must be difficult for you”. Saying “I’m so sorry you feel this way” will often help to win the trust and build confidence.

There is a time to give advice, and a time to wait.

Learn to listen without giving advice. This can be extremely difficult, especially when you think you understand the circumstances. If time is limited, make a note.  Perhaps this is a topic that needs to be addressed at a later time or with others responsible for their well-being.

Learn why certain topics are repeated more than others.

It is so easy to get impatient with repeated conversations. We may turn a deaf ear. Instead, put yourself in the other person’s shoes; consider why these stories might need serious attention. Listen for clues that may help the person, family, or you as a caregiver or friend.

Most people simply want someone to love them; to genuinely care about their needs.

Do not judge the person by what they say. You may not relate to what is said or agree, but you can show the courtesy to listen politely.

Knowing you really care will build trust, help reduce tension, and release emotions. Taking time to listen, even for a few short minutes, will encourage further conversations and can produce life-changing results for all.

We can learn from Jesus who said, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heaven laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me: for I am meek and ye shall find rest for your souls.”   Matthew 11:28-29

Hugs,

The 2nd Edition of MY MOTHER MY CHILD with new Discussion Guides is filled with practical bits of help and encouragement. Friends and family, young and old will find this book a valuable tool in caring for their families and end-of-life matters.