My world is filled with friends and relatives who find themselves suddenly single. Many have died suddenly from accidents or health issues. A surprising number of middle age and older couples have faced the devastation of betrayal or abuse and divorce. I have had opportunity to visit with several this month about what they are doing now. Of course, we touched on the subject of how others could encourage them as they make adjustments. The following suggestions (or pleas) are in the words of those I visited from age forty and up. I found them surprising and very helpful in my life as I try to be a better encourager and friend to those God puts in my path.

1. Don’t coddle me. (I heard this more than once.) I am a grown adult, capable of living on my own and making decisions for myself. Please avoid the tendency to suddenly treat me as a helpless child.
2. Ask me if I need or want help with certain things about the house and property. Make suggestions to me without telling me what I have to or should do. Allow me to make my own mistakes if necessary. This is a learning process for me.
3. If our families spent time together as couples, please continue to visit me after my spouse is gone. Losing that relationship with your family simply adds to my loss. Yes, it will be different, but we can grieve and rebuild      together. I will need a familiar, safe shoulder to lean on from time to time.
4. Do not be afraid to mention his (her) name in my presence. We can remember the good times; we can talk about our families. Do not demean that person in your conversation and do not expect me to tell you all the details. I will  open those discussions when and if I feel the need to do so.

Some of our most precious friendships are those women who have gone through fiery trials of betrayal and divorce and have come out stronger and sweeter as they have trusted God in the midst of their pain. They are comfortable visiting with either of us and have needed both a “brother” and “sister” to lean on. We treasure those relationships which are built on a common trust in a Loving Father and a peace that only He can give. My prayer for you is, whatever your circumstance right now, you have that kind of support around you. And I pray you will be ready and able to support others who need a hand up. As always, I look forward to hearing from you. Hugs, Check out more articles under the HELP tab above.